Happy New Year, Reader!
I hope your new year is off to a great start. I’ve been thinking and reflecting since the end of December 2024. My son returned to school, and my mother returned to Shanghai. I finally get to sit down and write. It’s one of my favorite things to do for #MeTime.
Today, I wanted to share 11 of my biggest learnings in 2024 (and where I’m heading in 2025):
#1. No goals, focus on the process.
I set some specific goals at the beginning of 2024, even did a mid-year review in July, and failed to achieve 80% by the end of the year. On the surface, this seemed like an epic failure, but when I looked back at my work in 2024, I saw multiple highlights and unexpected outcomes that only happened because I was in the process of achieving those goals.
Therefore, goals are just finish lines—they’re about achieving something specific, often external, and usually out of our control. A better approach is to focus on the process: the daily work and the practices that will move us forward, regardless of the outcome. Instead of having a benchmark, focus on what it takes to hit such a benchmark: being present, dedicated, pure-hearted, disciplined, creative, self-aware, and patient.
For example, say you want to lose 20 pounds in the new year. Instead of chasing the number, focus on creating a routine to get yourself to the gym three or four times a week, drink at least two liters of water daily, and add more protein to your diet. By the end of the year, you might have lost 15 or 25 pounds. The number doesn’t matter. What matters is that you have built a healthy lifestyle habit that you can stick to, and the result takes care of itself. The bonus point: You will most likely benefit from this process for the rest of your life.
The best work comes out from consistently showing up and doing the work. Be internally driven and process-oriented.
#2. Self-care is the most important work you should prioritize for yourself and your loved ones.
Self-care is so much more than just pampering yourself. I’m not just talking about massages, hot baths, or pedicures. I’m talking about knowing how to destress when you are stressed out, how to deal with your negative thoughts when they come up, how to accept and love yourself when you have self-doubts, and how to fill up your love tank when it’s running dry.
Self-care doesn’t mean selfish. On the contrary, you must love yourself before you can love others.
"When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”
– Eleanor Brownn
We’ll explore ways and ideas to self-care more deeply in the coming months, but I wanted to mention one way that significantly impacted my life in 2024: lesson number three.
#3. Invest in yourself (don’t do it all yourself).
One of the best decisions I have made and will continue to make is to work with coaches and professionals in the areas I want to improve. No matter how internally driven you are, having the right mentor and guide in your support system can expedite your progress and help you achieve results you otherwise wouldn’t be able to accomplish on your own.
I spent the first three months of 2024 doing intense story/self-discovery work, including a 21-day writing challenge with my mentor to clarify my past and future directions. We also had a one-on-one session at the end of July. What I learned in that first quarter heavily influenced the work I produced in 2024. A large body of my work will come to light in 2025.
Three years ago, a friend who saw how thin and depressed I was gifted me three workout sessions with a personal trainer. Since then, the same trainer has consistently supported me in building physical strength. As a result, I am not only in great physical shape now, but my mental state is also much better than it was three years ago.
If you need help, get it. Don’t be ashamed to need help. It’s not a weakness to seek help—it’s a strength.
Whether hiring a coach or trainer, talking to a therapist, leaning on your family or friends, joining a group, or asking someone who knows more than you, seeking help is often the key to breakthroughs, growth, and success. You don’t have to do it all yourself.
#4. Ask good questions and listen actively.
The most precious gift a person can give you is their time. And the best thing you can give back is your undivided attention.
Active listening is when you not only hear what the other person is saying but also attuned to his or her thoughts and feelings. It turns a conversation into an active, non-competitive, two-way interaction.
Don’t check your phone from time to time while they are talking. Don’t start thinking about your answers and what to say next before they finish. You can form your thoughts once you’ve fully heard what the speaker has to say.
You’ll likely need to share your perspective at some point in the conversation, but for now, take in what they have to say. Avoid hijacking the interaction. It’s far better to ask questions—they make the other person feel listened to and increase your comprehension.
By practicing active listening, you’ll improve your chances of hearing, gleaning valuable information, and making the other person feel heard. This will deepen connections and enhance relationships.
#5. Say yes, thank you.
In November 2024, during a regular check-in, my spiritual mentor offered me a coaching session with a renowned coach. When I learned about the price, I immediately turned it down.
My thoughts: “No way. What did I do to deserve this?”
Having the ability to read my mind somehow, he responded, “Keep in mind that being open to possibilities is a path to growth and new beginnings. If you are okay with turning down a gift with no strings or conditions, you might ask yourself what other gifts and opportunities you are turning down or turning away from because of pride, embarrassment, or fear.”
"We can struggle and strive and worry about being deserving. Or we can relax, let go, and step into the flow of an abundant and generous Universe."
Think about it this way - if you are not deserving, you won’t even receive the offer.
The session was eye-opening and hugely beneficial. In exchange, my spiritual mentor gets a free commissioned painting from me. I consider this one of the most beautiful and sacred transactions.
#6. Embody the power of forgiveness—forgive yourself and forgive others.
Forgiveness might be the last thing on your mind when someone hurts you. However, forgiveness is a gift you give yourself because your resentment, anger, and irritations don’t do anything to the other person. Holding on to negative thoughts and grudges harms your health, happiness, and future.
If you are anything like me, you might feel ashamed of being hurt and hurting someone by what you did or did not do. And no matter how much time has passed, you still can’t fully forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. It’s a normal and inevitable part of life. Forgive yourself is the first step to moving on and learning from your past experiences. It also opens the possibility of forgiveness from others.
Just like asking for help is not a weakness, forgiveness is a strength. When you forgive, you decide to stop suffering and move on with your life.
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."
- Mahatma Gandhi
Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Forgiveness is essential, but forgetting is optional.
#7. There’s your timing, and there’s the divine timing.
I can be patient with others, but I’m impatient with myself, something I’m working on for a change.
When I missed most of the arbitrary targets I set for myself in 2024, self-blame and self-doubt crept in. Thoughts like:
- I was not progressing at the speed I’d like to.
- The results were not as good as I expected, or there were none.
- What on earth am I doing, and why am I doing this?
- Is it even worth it?
If you’ve ever had similar thoughts or feelings, remind yourself to be patient and trust the process. You can set all the deadlines and that’s your timing. But there’s a much larger, invisible, and energetic force that moves things at a different speed than yours. That’s divine timing. Your job is to keep progressing and trust that the Universe has your back. When the time is right, things will unfold effortlessly.
#8. Build good habits and make them a part of who you are.
When you do a positive act repetitively, it becomes a good habit. With consistent practice, you become better at it. The better you get, the more you want to do it because you benefit from it more.
When there’s a time that you don’t get to do it, you feel uneasy, and your day is incomplete. That’s when you know it has become part of who you are.
For me, it’s meditation and journaling. (In the coming weeks, we’ll explore the magnificent health benefits of these two habits.)
I’ve meditated 678 days since 2022, and the past 129 days (as of this writing) have been my longest streak of consecutive days, which I don’t intend to break because it’s become effortless for me. By now, I’m comfortable to call myself a meditator.
If you want to build good habits in 2025, start now and start small. This will make you more likely to stick to it.
If you have never meditated before, start with 2 minutes daily or join me on Insight Timer, where you can access thousands of guided meditations.
If it’s journaling, start with one line a day. You can always write more whenever you feel like it.
If it’s drinking more water, get yourself a motivational water bottle with a time marker to remind yourself to drink throughout the day.
You get the idea.
Making good habits a part of who you are is one of the best ways to become a better version of yourself. And that’s good for you, the people around you, and the humanity.
#9. Do something good.
There’s so much chaos and uncertainties in the world right now, and there are so many unknowns of our own lives, most of it out of our control. What we can control is ourselves and our own actions. In times like this, do something good for others.
It’s the little acts, done consistently, compound like a good habit. The impact is real, whether it’s holding open a door or holding a baby so the single mother can take a class. I started volunteering at Mother’s Choice a couple of years ago, mainly as an event photographer, and now help support a driven young mother on her parenting journey and her self-development. Through volunteering, I found a sense of purpose when I felt lost; I met new friends, and hearing the stories of others helped to put things in perspective, so I’m more grateful for what I have and more willing to give back.
Doing something good is not just good for others. It’s beneficial to your own well-being too. So whether it’s holding a door open, a kind word, or a smile, these small acts, done consistently and bravely, bring delight.
Marcus Aurelius spoke of moving from one unselfish action to another—“Only there,” he said, can we find “delight and stillness.”
#10. Make campfire connections.
The older I get, the more I appreciate small gatherings.
While big events and gatherings can expose you to more people, it’s often too distractive to have a lengthy conversation or really get to know someone.
Small gatherings are like gathering around a campfire. The environment is cozy and laid back, and if there's good food, it’s easy to bring people together and have a reasonable conversation with the one sitting right next to you or across you.
By hosting Saturday lunches or early dinners, I’ve made new friends and built deeper connections with like-minded people.
If bringing people in is not practical for you, try to find or create opportunities for campfire connections in other ways, such as joining groups with people who share comment interests, signing up for workshops, or creating your own.
#11. Do something new.
The intense writing challenge I joined with 100+ writers around the globe set the tone for my 2024. It was so painful during the process but so rewarding coming out of it. No pain, no gain.
Challenge yourself to do something new every year. Learn a new skill or language, join a challenge, or sign up for a race. It will undoubtedly be uncomfortable, but growth doesn’t happen in your comfort zone. It makes life more exciting and interesting. On top of that, you leverage your brain plasticity through these activities and can keep your brain as healthy as possible for as long as possible.
With that said, I’ll learn to play piano daily for at least 10 minutes with the Simply Piano app. The goal is not to be a pianist but to work my brain and prevent neurodegenerative diseases. And if I can play a whole song someday, it’s a bonus!
(If playing piano happens to be something you are interested in, here's a 30-day FREE guest pass for you to try it out.)
2025
Carrying on what I learned from 2024, I will focus more on the process and show up consistently to move me forward. So, I didn’t set any specific goals for 2025 but a general direction I’d like to head toward. It’s best described as a mantra, and that is:
GET OUT, GET UNCOMFORTABLE!
That’s the plan, and I can’t wait to see what new experiences, new people, and growth 2025 brings.
What is your biggest goal or direction in 2025? Hit reply and let me know. I'd love to hear it.
Rooting for you,
